Bela Friedman: [00:00:00] I would say, number one, listen to your intuition or learn how to listen to your intuition. That's when things started happening for me. [00:00:30] I started listening to myself instead of questioning myself or not wanting to listen to myself. Listen, listening to, it's really your higher self and your higher self is really your best friend.

You know, what, what would your best friend say about this? You know, what would your best friend tell you? Um, and when you, when you don't listen to your gut, things aren't going to work out when you start listening, that's when things start happening. [00:01:00] And, um, you know, that's really your higher self talking to you.

Nicole Huesman: Welcome back everyone. And thanks so much for being here for today's episode of she lights the way. Where we explore the journeys of unsung women who are making their mark in our world. I'm your host, Nicole Huseman. Today I'm so honored to share [00:01:30] my conversation with a dear friend, Bela Friedman. Who embodies resilience, transformation, and the power of giving back.

Born in a displaced persons camp in Germany to Holocaust survivor parents, Bela's story is one of courage and independence. During our conversation, she opens up about the challenges that [00:02:00] she's faced, including navigating her identity as a Jewish woman, overcoming personal struggles, and finding her true calling.

Bela talks about her career shift from the corporate world of public relations to her true passion for helping others, driven by a deep desire to give back and make a difference. She's now a life coach [00:02:30] and hypnotherapist. So without further ado, I bring you Bela Friedman.

Bela, it is so great to have you on She Lights the Way today. Thank you so much for joining. 

Bela Friedman: Well, thank you so much for inviting me and I'm thrilled to be interviewed by you. 

Nicole Huesman: I would love it if you could just introduce yourself and just tell us a little bit about you. 

Bela Friedman: Okay. Well, I'm Bela [00:03:00] Friedman. I'm a life coach and hypnotherapist and I have certifications in life coaching, hypnosis, energy coaching, and also surgery coaching.

So I have many tools in my tool chest. I help clients with all kinds of challenges. My specialties include stress management, building confidence, and personal and professional development. So that's what I'm doing. Currently, I've been doing this for the last seven years. 

[00:03:30] Before that, I had a successful business in public relations for 35 years. I really enjoyed it, but as time went on, I had this pull from deep inside That I wanted to work with people one on one to help them instead of just being in the corporate world, making a profit, which a profit is nice. I really wanted to be doing more. 

Nicole Huesman: That's so wonderful. [00:04:00] Can we step back just a little bit and can you talk about how your early years influenced where you are today?

Bela Friedman: Sure. Um, my early years, well, my parents were Holocaust survivors. I was born in a displaced persons camp in Germany, and we came to the United States and lived in Kansas City, Missouri until I was about 12, and then moved to Los Angeles where I, I feel that I grew up, that was really, [00:04:30] um, my home base. 

So, my parents were from the, had kind of an old country vibe to them, you know, I mean, my mother worked, she assimilated very easily. My father. A little more difficult. My parents were really of the old school, do what we want you to do. And if you don't do that, we're not going to support you. This is as I got older. So I became very independent. I was a bit rebellious. 

Nicole Huesman: Bela, you've done so many [00:05:00] different, really interesting and amazing things. Can you tell us about some of your zigzags along the way? 

Bela Friedman: I started college in Los Angeles, but then I thought I wanted to be a nurse. So I thought, Oh, I'll just be a medical assistant and see how that is. So I actually got certified in medical assistance when I was about 18. Went to school for a year. I learned how to do venipunctures. I learned how to do shots and [00:05:30] EKGs, chest x rays, all kinds of stuff. I hated working with doctors because I was too young to stand up for myself and they were very difficult. 

So I decided to go back to school and my cousin who lived in Berkeley said, why don't you come up and live with us? And living in Berkeley in 1969 was awesome. So. I took myself up to Berkeley, lived in their house. They had a huge home with [00:06:00] about three or four different people living there. And I went to school at Merritt College. And Merritt College is where the Black Panthers, some of them were headquartered. So it was a very exciting time to be there.

And, uh, did very well in school. And then I met someone and he said, You want to go to Europe? And I said, Okay. So I moved. I moved to Berkeley, went to Europe with this friend of mine, [00:06:30] and, um, ended up going to Israel for two weeks because I had family in Israel. Just fell in love with my family there. And uh, ended up on a kibbutz, which is a, uh, a communal farm, lived there for about a year.

And then I had a, um, an old boyfriend who I liked a lot, and um, he was writing to me, he was in the Peace Corps. In the Philippines, so he said, I'm passing through [00:07:00] Israel and, um, I would like to see you. So we ended up getting back together, ended up moving back to Los Angeles after a year and, uh, went back to school in journalism and became a newspaper reporter and I ended up marrying him.

My parents were giving me a lot of pressure to get married because in those days, you didn't really, you know, no one was living by themselves. Um, people didn't live [00:07:30] together. You had to be married. So I ended up being married. 

I became a newspaper reporter. I interned at a daily paper and, uh, started working at the Beverly Hills Independent where I was the reporter. I was the, and that was, that was great, but I was only making $3.50 an hour. That was minimum wage in those days. And, uh, the relationship wasn't going well with my husband. I realized I was in love with love. I, I looked at him as someone that was totally [00:08:00] different than my father, who I did not get along with, but ended up staying about 13 years because I didn't know how to get out. Had two small children.

And I finally, I met someone, uh, who taught me Transcendental Meditation and I learned how to meditate. I started writing all my feelings out and realized I have to get out because I'm miserable. And my father passed away. And a week after [00:08:30] my father passes away, my mother says, It took me 40 years and I'm finally free. And that was the pivotal moment for me to make a decision that I am not going to say that. I'm going to do something about it. 

So, finally, I was able to leave and, um, met a woman who was a therapist at a women's group who I just adored. We just really clicked. She became my therapist. She was incredible. Her name was Betty. [00:09:00] She's not with us anymore. She was about 15 years older than me and helped me through my divorce, helped me get a new business, get my business going where I was making really good money and I was able to move out. I was leasing office space from a large agency, and I was doing very well, but I knew how to do my work, but did not know how to run a business.

I kept losing one client after another. 

And so, um, [00:09:30] I talked to the people who owned the agency and they hired me as their, uh, public relations media director and I thought, what could be better media director? I was like, so impressed with myself, but what happened was I was also in charge of about 5 different managers. So, what happened is I could not, I did not have time to do my work. 

I had an ovarian cyst that ruptured while I was working there. And I ended up in the [00:10:00] hospital. I was under so much stress, I was still going through my divorce. I decided at that time when I was in the hospital, I'm going to get my own clients. And that's what I did. I got my own clients again, and I knew how to run a business because I had worked with these people. 

And then I went to a networking group, and I met my husband-to-be. So after I was divorced, I met my husband, who's Nelson, and, uh, he was totally [00:10:30] different. This time I knew I wasn't in love with love. I had learned my lesson and he was funny and, uh, just, he really became my rock. We got married and then we moved up here, in Oregon. 

So I opened up a telephone book and I looked under hospitals and, you know, uh, different practices cause I really, uh, specialized in healthcare. And so I got clients that way, and that's how it started again [00:11:00] when I came here.

And I just realized, you know, I am really a risk taker. I wrote a book with my teacher and another coach. And I wrote the story of how, what happened to me during that time when I got divorced and met Nelson and all that. It was really an eye opener for me writing the story because I didn't realize how much confidence I had. I didn't feel like I had confidence. I didn't feel like I was a risk taker. I just felt like this is the normal [00:11:30] because I was so independent when I was younger that that really helped me every step of the way of just building, building my confidence and becoming a life coach and really doing what I wanted to do, really, I feel like it's my calling. 

Nicole Huesman: When you say this is your calling, I, I can, I can see that. Yeah. 

Bela Friedman: I always wanted to help people and when I was younger, people would always, my friends would ask [00:12:00] me to help them with things, you know, if they had a problem, they would come to me. So I feel like it's in my blood.

Nicole Huesman: You mentioned that your parents were survivors of the Holocaust. How do you think your identity as a Jewish woman has influenced or impacted your journey? Your life's journey? 

Bela Friedman: Oh, that's interesting. Well, there's a saying, a quote, uh, Tikkun [00:12:30] Olam is to give back. And that's, that's a major part of the Jewish religion. And that's what I feel that I've been doing most of my life. I feel like I'm really giving. 

There's different parts to your question. Being a Jewish woman, there's been a lot of anti-Semitism, not just now, but since I came to Oregon. I never, I never experienced any anti-Semitism in Los Angeles. But, uh, meeting [00:13:00] people, you know, they would say, um, Do you celebrate Thanksgiving? Do you people have horns? Where are your horns? You know that, I mean, people that are really uneducated. And, uh, Judaism really promotes education. 

Nicole Huesman: You know, I took a trip with, with my son, with Duncan, uh, last summer. Uh, and one of [00:13:30] the places that we went with was Amsterdam. Because I've always felt, since he was a very young age, I have always felt that it is really important My role as a mom, one of, one of the important things about my role as a mom is to make sure that he is aware to make sure that he is empathetic and that he is educated. And so we visited the Anne Frank House in, in [00:14:00] Amsterdam. 

And I, I thought back to a time when my parents lived in Germany. And my mom and I took the train from Cologne to Amsterdam. I've been to Amsterdam a couple of different times. We took the train up and we were each time we, we go and see the Anne Frank museum. Um, and so we were doing the same on this trip and I'll never forget [00:14:30] being on the train and having someone on the train not know who Anne Frank is. And I just, I didn't even know what to do with that. I was so shocked that someone might not know who, who she is or, or the, you know, I understand she's emblematic, but, and not have that [00:15:00] history. I was, it was shocking to me. 

Bela Friedman: Yeah. Yeah. Um, well, I would think they'd be really enlightened, if they weren't Jewish, to know about it, because I think a lot of people just aren't educated that way and people don't think it's important, you know, it's very strange when I traveled through Europe and I remember, well, it wasn't the EU at that time. So, every country you went to [00:15:30] the people, either police or whoever came on the train and would ask you to see your passport. And when we passed through, I guess it was Germany. And I didn't want to get off the, you know, I just felt so weird being there. Um, and they start, Well, you know, they're talking to me a little bit in German and this and that, because I have, I was born in Germany, so Germany is on my passport.

You know, it was just, it was kind of scary to me. [00:16:00] 

Nicole Huesman: Yeah, yeah, that would be I could understand why that would be scary. Yeah. Yeah. So it's just Yeah, people aren't as educated as we wish they were right so being in Berkeley and in 69 and the early 70s That must have been it just it an education. 

Bela Friedman: Oh, it was wonderful. It was really wonderful. Um, it was kind of a [00:16:30] tumultuous time. I didn't want to have a lot of attention on myself. I always, I remember I always wore these work shirts and jeans and moccasins. 

I remember going with my cousin. I went with him to see Cosby, Stills, Nash Young. The lights go off. They're on and people are lighting up joints, marijuana. And it was illegal at the time, you know. So it was just such a weird thing to see and to be part of. [00:17:00] 

Nicole Huesman: What experiences you've had. I know. Right. Wow. What, what do you think your inspiration has been throughout your, your journey? 

Bela Friedman: I think as I've gotten older, I really wanted to empower women. And in my, in my, the work that I do now, um, I think I've done a pretty good job at that.

I started, uh, uh, a Be Inspired Women's [00:17:30] Circle that we were actually meeting once a month. I've done, um, Sunday love notes that I, that's what I call them. So I send inspirational quotes out to the Be Inspired community. And, uh, I just started a support group for For mothers of adult children who are having a hard time launching or making bad decisions.

Nicole Huesman: Can you talk a little bit about that? I know that you and I talked earlier about our, our woes [00:18:00] or our challenges as moms. I often find myself feeling like, gosh, I need to surround myself by other moms with children. You know, well, teen, teen children, right? Um, you know, who have neurodiverse issues, who have ADHD, you know, and so that I can feel like I'm not alone.

Bela Friedman: You're not, yeah, oh, so I [00:18:30] am the mother of three adult children. And one of them had been having some issues, the younger one. So I was talking to another mom, who was complaining to me about her son, and just came up with the idea of, well, we have a support group. And I think what we all need, really, is support, encouragement. You know, how do we do self-care for ourselves?

That's probably the most important thing, because if you don't take care of [00:19:00] yourself, you're not going to do a good job taking care of anybody else. And of course, as the kids get older, we don't think we're taking care of them, but we're still their guides. We have to guide our kids. 

When I was in Los Angeles, I would be listening to talk radio, and they had Dr. Laura Schlesinger on. And so I was listening to her, and this woman calls in and says, um, Oh, I've got three children. Two of them are doing great. One of them, he's smoking pot. He's doing this. He can't get a job. [00:19:30] And Laura says to her, two out of three. That's great. What are you worried about?

So I think that's really funny. Thankfulness for what we have been able to do, right? One of the things that I think has empowered me is I've gotten into this great routine. I meditate in the morning. I do some prayer work. I write in my journal and I always write a minimum of three things I'm grateful for.[00:20:00] And that has really changed my life. And I think, um, well, I know that I've read that when you write, uh, gratitude down, that it really does change your brain to the positive. And so whatever you're going through, there's always something to be grateful for. 

Nicole Huesman: Yeah. Yeah, it's so true. So true. We're so, I know I am, right? Where, you know, I, I, I tend to bully myself about what I haven't gotten done [00:20:30] or what's not going well or those kinds of things. And I'm like, okay, wait a minute. Yeah, there are these different things that are going well.

And so, Bela, you mentioned, um, was it Betty? Yes. Who was a previous mentor. Can you just talk a little bit about her and maybe some other mentors that you've had over your, over your years?

Bela Friedman: Yes, um. So Betty [00:21:00] was the woman that I met at a woman's group when I was having a very difficult time in my marriage. And we just hit it off, and I was asked if I could see her one time, because I didn't think I could afford it to see her. And um, after I saw her, I just thought, this woman is fantastic. On her phone, she'd always leave this message: Hello, wonderful person. That's how she was. [00:21:30] She guided me. I was ready. I was ready to make the move. I was ready to, you know, I was doing my business, uh, on a car table in my bedroom. In the little duplex. She had me get out of the, that room and, uh, lease office space. I did it within a month of her, you know, discussing it with me. She helped me with my divorce. I didn't feel that I was getting a lot of support from my mother at the time. And she was kind of a surrogate [00:22:00] mother and I would cry in her arms at times. I was just, I could be my, I could really open up to her, which was fantastic. 

Another mentor I think is, um, Kat Wilson, who was my coaching teacher and she was … So I had a traumatic injury, um, six months after I started, um, coaching. I had a really bad fall and I broke my [00:22:30] pelvis and I couldn't walk for a month. And so when I started, I was able to walk on crutches after about five, six weeks. Um, she, I went, I remember going to the class and she helped me devise or put together workshops for women. So I developed all these workshops. Well, I couldn't really move around, so I had them all ready to go. So that was really fantastic for me because I became very much at ease in doing it. [00:23:00] 

So I probably was doing that for about three years, monthly. And when COVID came, I learned to do it on Zoom. So I was taking energy coaching from Magali Pasha and her husband Mark Pasha. They were, um, they're, um, the coaching Institute. And I saw her, she was so impressive to me. She was working with Tony Robbins at the time and she was coaching, there were maybe a thousand people in the [00:23:30] audience and she was just so down to earth and loving. And I really consider her as one of my mentors.

Nicole Huesman: Wow. Yeah. It's, it's so important to have these people in our lives, right? Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think are some of the most significant lessons that you've learned along your [00:24:00] journey? 

Bela Friedman: Well, my book is called, the book that I collaborated on, Lessons from a Fall. My fall was a big lesson because here I am, I don't know if you've ever experienced not being able to walk. It was horrendous. I have a whole different attitude, you know, when I see somebody in a wheelchair, you know, I always have eye contact with them. I might say something to them. Um, it was [00:24:30] just, you know, and I had to be in a wheelchair at the airport and people looking at me and I'm thinking, Oh, they probably think something's really wrong with me. Um, yeah, a lot of self consciousness and that's when I really got into writing my stories. And I just learned that, boy, I really went through a lot, you know, I've really overcome quite a bit. 

And I'm, I wasn't the typical only [00:25:00] child because my parents were, you know, you have to do it this way. I played the accordion and I played pretty well. And then after about three or four years, I started developing. And I said to my mother, I really want to play the piano now. And she says, no, you play the accordion. That's what you started, and that's what you're going to do. In many other ways, she was very forward thinking, but that aspect of her was still old [00:25:30] country. You know, you, you finish what you start. 

So, of course, with my kids, I had them try anything they wanted to try. 

Nicole Huesman: You know, that's so interesting that you say that because one of the parts of my roles as a mom, I've always thought was to expose my son to as many different experiences as possible, right? [00:26:00] Whether it's coding and programming, the theater, sports, whatever it's musical instruments, right? I wanted to give him a diversity of different experiences. Travel, right? Um, you know, just expanding his horizons, right? Um, exposing him to so many different things so that he then could figure out, Oh, I know what I like this, or I [00:26:30] don't like that. Or, but he, you know, he then had the basis to, to make those kinds of decisions for himself, you know, and then I could encourage him in those different ways. It's, it's amazing, right? It's so insightful. to, to hear you say, well, I did this with my children because that's not what my parents did with me. And I, so, wow.

So how, at this [00:27:00] point in your, in your journey, how do you define success? I know it, this, this whole definition of success morphs over time, right? And it's mean so, so many things to, to so many different people when you, what, what does success mean to you? 

Bela Friedman: Well, I think as I've mentioned before, you know, I was really into making a profit that was successful to me, making big money, really good money was big money for me, [00:27:30] but making really good money, getting people on, um, on Oprah, getting people interviews with the New York Times, L.A. Times, USA Today, that was success for me. 

Now, what success is, is really seeing people grow. That I can help them grow, being their best selves, living their best lives. And, that's what really, that's what I feel success is. And, uh, [00:28:00] empowering people, having them know that they have self worth. You know, there's a lot of people that have many challenges. And, um, especially stress, stress management. So, I help them. You know, with, um, breathing techniques, meditation, hypnosis, things like that, guiding them in, um, um, journal writing, which is all, also a wonderful exercise to do. Just writing in a journal, how you feel. [00:28:30] 

Nicole Huesman: I, I, I can't say enough how I just love what you're doing and you know, your, your pivot from the whole public relations world to this, um, I mean, I, I got to see it kind of firsthand you, you, you move from that world into this new world.

What advice would you [00:29:00] give to other women? 

Bela Friedman: I would say number one, listen to your intuition, or learn how to listen to your intuition. That's when things started happening for me. I started listening to myself instead of questioning myself or. Not wanting to listen to myself. Listening, listening to, it's really your higher self. And your higher self is really your best friend. You know, [00:29:30] what, what would your best friend say about this? You know, what would your best friend tell you? And when you, when you don't listen to your gut, things aren't going to work out. When you start listening, that's when things start happening and you know, that's really your higher self talking to you. 

Nicole Huesman: And when you're being authentic and real with yourself and with others. [00:30:00] Absolutely. 

Bela Friedman: And if you have a hard time, you know, see a professional person because they can help you. 

When I was in, um, in my coaching, in my first coaching class, um, Kat Wilson had us do a, not a mantra, but, um, anyway, a metaphor for ourselves. And my metaphor just out of the top of my head, I don't know how I thought of this. I was a [00:30:30] beacon of light because I'm showing the way. And it just kind of came up. And there was, she wanted us to do an illustration. My illustration was a heart and a beacon of light with a kind of a guiding light with the, the beams coming out and showing me the way.

But then I realized it's not just showing me the way it's showing everyone the way, and it's showing my potential clients [00:31:00] the way, the best way for them to live. And not, you know, to stop being critical and to continue being, being your best self and listening to your intuition. That's really important.

Nicole Huesman: So this is a great segue, I think, into what does She Lights the Way mean to you? 

Bela Friedman: Well, She Lights the Way, what it means to me is that beacon of light. It's [00:31:30] lighting, it's lighting a way for others. Including yourself, to see what the potential is in yourself, and to live the life that you really want to live, because it's there, you know.

And if you don't want, you don't want to hear all the negativity, you know, that's around us today, all the craziness in the world, turn off the TV. Stop looking at your phone. Um, get out in nature. Um, [00:32:00] turn on music, dance. Dance with yourself. You know, talk to a friend. Reach out to people. 

That's another thing. People are saying they're lonely. That they don't have as many friends as they had before. You know, reach out to someone. That'll help a lot. 

Nicole Huesman: It's, it's also, it occurs to me, it's also being intentional. Isn't it that you actually, like you said, reach [00:32:30] out to people, but that takes intention. You have to be intentional.

Bela Friedman: You're right. Yeah. Yeah. You have to have the intention. But I think that's also that comes with having gratitude, writing gratitude, writing, you know, um, just writing your feelings, what's going on. And that helps you get to that part of yourself, that intentional part. And sometimes we're so busy that, you know, it's really hard to do, but [00:33:00] if you can make, you know, just take five minutes, you know, you can meditate, you can, you know, for a few minutes, you can, uh, write down gratitude and that, that'll really help. And you can do it either in the morning or at night, whatever works for you. 

Nicole Huesman: I, I love that. Just establishing that practice for yourself. 

Bela Friedman: Yeah, I've been doing it for years and it's, I'll tell you, I think it really has changed my life, you know.. [00:33:30] 

Nicole Huesman: And that doesn't surprise me one bit one bit. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, gosh, Bela, it has been so wonderful to to have you here. Thank you so much for spending your time and sharing your story with us. 

Bela Friedman: Well, it's been wonderful talking to you and you have wonderful questions and I just really enjoy you. [00:34:00] I'm grateful for you. 

Nicole Huesman: As I am for you, thank you. 

And that wraps up another episode of She Lights the Way.

A very heartfelt thank you to Bela Friedman for sharing her incredible journey with us. I hope you found as much value in our conversation as I did. If you'd like to learn more about Bela and her work, you can visit her website or connect with her through [00:34:30] LinkedIn. Those links are in the show notes.

Whether you're looking for guidance in life coaching, hypnosis, or energy coaching, Bela's wealth of experience and compassionate approach make her an incredible resource. I'd love to hear your thoughts about our discussion today. You can drop me a line at nicole@shelightstheway.com or leave a comment on any of the social [00:35:00] handles for the project.

And don't forget to like, subscribe and share this project with others who might benefit from these empowering stories. Thanks so much for listening, and stay tuned for more stories as we continue to shine a light on the remarkable women who are making a difference in our world. Until next time, keep shining [00:35:30] bright.