Nicole Huesman: Zaji, welcome to She Lights the Way. I'm so excited to have you here today. Can you tell us a little bit about you?

Zaji Cox: I like to mainly say that I'm a writer here in Portland, and yeah, my first official book came out. It's called Plums for Months. It's a memoir, technically, but it's kind of a mixed-genre project, so it has some poetry and some prose and photographs and stuff mixed in. I'm also a dancer and I do some things when I can in my free time. I don't dance with a company anymore, but I kind of work on my own solo projects, and I collaborate with other artistic individuals, too. Yeah, mainly a writer and dancer, I focus on those two things.

More recently, I've been trying to work on combining poetry and dance. I've always liked mixed-genre kind of stuff and, thinking creatively. Like, how can I just expand beyond what I think this art form should be or what it should look like.

Nicole Huesman: How do you think you got to where you are today? Were there some early influences for you?

Zaji Cox: When I was a kid, my sister was a competitive gymnast. I feel like that kind of influenced my wanting to be a more athletic person. And so when I was seven, I started doing gymnastics classes a couple times a week and eventually, I became a competitive gymnast. I was very immersed in that world of competitive gymnastics, and eventually I realized that I really liked the dance aspect of gymnastics.

When I was like a kid / preteen is where that need to be creative was born. I just really wanted to start making up dances instead of having to stay within the particular confines that I had to be in in the world of gymnastics. I stopped feeling a passion for that, and developing a passion for art and creation.

And in terms of writing, I've always loved making up stories, and imagining fantasy lands, and I think that has been true for me for as long as I can remember, honestly. I wrote my first short story when I was like nine, but I've been making up stories since I was a little kid, too, so yeah, those two things, like writing and dance, have been with me since I was very little.

Nicole Huesman: Can you tell us a little bit about the publishing process? Was the fact that you're a woman and a woman of color, did that figure in within the process?

Zaji Cox: I feel like, at least, nowadays, it's really nice because I feel like there are more people who are willing to amplify marginalized voices. Back then, there wasn't, particularly in the city that we grew up in.

It's definitely been a very interesting and different experience going into the professional world of publishing versus self-publishing. I came out with two self-published books, first when I was 13, and then I compiled a book of short stories, composed those stories when I was in high school, and then I self-published it in 2016 when I was in my college years.

Now publishing with an actual company, with a publisher, I feel very lucky because I definitely feel very supported. And I do talk about a lot of my experiences growing up, neurodivergent and mixed race and a lot of those other things. And I'm very lucky because the person I've worked with, the people I've worked with, were very respectful to me and the ways I wanted to express myself in my writing. And even through the editing process, did you want to say it this way, or maybe this way, things like that, they were being very respectful of how I want to come across or express myself through my writing, which I really appreciate. Overall, I feel like the professional publishing experience has been so far, for me, pretty positive.

Nicole Huesman: To hear you talk about being self-published, and then finding a publishing partner, can you talk about the experience in being self-published versus professionally?

Zaji Cox: When I came out with the second self-published book of mine, I looked into various resources and different ways I could work on promoting myself and sell my book and all of those different elements of being self-published and, one of the things that occurred to me recently was these are a lot of things that would come very easily maybe to a lot of neurotypical people. People like me, or people who might have a lot of social anxiety or not a lot of skills or confidence, even talking to strangers or going out there and promoting themselves, a lot of people struggle with that. And I just felt like I was held back by my inability to really connect with a lot of people because of my challenges in speaking with strangers or just being really shy or just really anxious in a lot of social situations.

I feel like if I were to try to do that now, I have a better understanding of myself and of the publishing/self-publishing world now where I would be able to work with that challenge and not ignore it completely, but just see that part of myself and work through it and just be open and candid with others and just let them know, this is who I am and this is who you might be working with and that's just how it is.

That's what I've experienced with the publisher who published my book. They know who I am and this is also what I wrote about in my book is my experience being someone who is neurodivergent, and they were very respectful with that. I feel like they were able to understand me very well, know me very well, and, support me during that. I just felt like I had a lot of people on my team, so to speak.

Nicole Huesman: What do you feel are the most tricky pieces or the most difficult parts of getting published?

Zaji Cox: Just dealing with rejections. I feel like, yeah, I feel like that's definitely like the, classic answer, but it is also a reality of the world of at least traditional publishing. To be honest, I have not done a whole lot of that. But I have done that with a couple of different manuscripts, and it got me frustrated enough to be, like, they just don't see the genius in my work. But yeah, that was a little bit earlier on, before I realized like, oh, even amazing writers who have published several things, they still deal with this all the time. So it's not just me. Great.

One of the challenges I experienced with working on self-publishing was just promoting yourself. That was always a very intimidating element of that. Working on going out into the world and trying to promote myself while also working with those other social anxieties and neurodivergent tendencies that I have, and understanding that those are things that are a part of me, but that don't have to always be holding me back from everything that I want to do.

Nicole Huesman: I know that you identify as a part of many different marginalized groups, whether it's women of color or neurodivergent. Can you talk a little bit about overcoming these challenges on your journey?

Zaji Cox: Yeah it has definitely been interesting working with those, and I feel like they are still challenges that I do experience, and it has been interesting to seehow society views them and how society's views on these things have changed throughout the years. Because I see now that more publishers are saying on their websites, we'll definitely be looking for more writers of color, we'll be giving priority to neurodivergent writers, or things like that, which is definitely very good.

Zaji Cox: One thing I do see happen a lot still is tokenization and making someone like the token, insert race here, person, or the token like the token female in the group. And that has been an issue for a long time, and a lot of places don't realize that they still do that. And that's always been an interesting balance to see people try to deal with, so I feel like, yeah, that you have to develop this sense of being like, so am I being tokenized here or am I being, do I feel like I'm being respected? And yeah, it's nice to see, it's nice to feel, when I am actually being respected.

Nicole Huesman: Yes, and being respected for your talents and capabilities.

Zaji Cox: Yeah, for sure.

Nicole Huesman: One of the things that really touched me was you wrote an essay about. I think it was when you first realized, maybe, it was your neurodivergence or your difficulties with seizures. And I was so touched by that essay. I'm a mother of a 13-year-old who is ADHD, a type of neurodivergence, and the way you just your writing of that essay was just absolutely beautiful. I wonder if you could talk a little bit about that experience, and how you deal with that.

Zaji Cox: Yeah, for sure. I had my first one just out of the blue, it seemed, in 2015, and I was living on my own for the first time in college, and they really couldn't ever figure out what caused the first seizure. It was one of those full body seizures, so it was like, it used to be called grand mal, but now it's called a tonic clonic seizure. No one really could discover or figure out what exactly was causing those first ones that I had.

It has been an interesting journey. I had been doing very well, was on medication and things like that, and then right before my book launch, there was another breakthrough episode that happened again and I wasn't sure what you know caused that, what prompted it, so it's always just a very fascinating thing, just the brain and how the brain operates, and, just trying to figure out what exactly can cause episodes like that. I did read in a couple of different scholarly articles that there have been connections between neurodivergent people, so particularly people with autism, like me, and people who do have seizures or people who have epilepsy. I haven't been officially diagnosed with epilepsy, just seizure disorder. But yeah, so there have been some connections made, but at least as far as I know, no definitive, oh yes, this is definitely what's going on here in this connection. So yeah, I do wonder how those two things might be connected or if they are connected in my brain.

Things are still under control with medication and I'm doing what I can to maintain my calm demeanor and make sure that things don't get triggered by possible stress or anything like that. And yeah, it can be a very it can be a scary thing to live with but I have been here before, and I've made it out fine and so I, I know what this is, and yeah, it's not a new thing anymore.

Nicole Huesman: And it sounds like there's a confidence and a reassurance that comes from that, that you're going to weather the storm and make it through those times, and that must be, that must feel good that you know what to expect and you're able to to manage it.

Zaji Cox: Yeah, definitely. I think just that mentality, I made it through once before, or however many times before, and I can continue to make it through, so that kind of helps me work through those things.

Nicole Huesman: Of all of the things, the different things that you've done, what have been the most rewarding for you, or what do you think you're most proud of?

Zaji Cox: The obvious-to-me answer is getting my words in the world. So, publishing of course. But the more important thing to me is being able to connect with people. And, being published, it makes it a little bit easier because that's how they get spread far and wide in a way, at least, that's how I know words can reach others. And I see reviews from people who I don't know, who I've never met before, and they are saying nice things about my book, or just other writing, and that it has connected with them, and that is just monumentally pleasing to me. And it's just, I feel like that's the most important thing is to just know that I'm connecting with people in different ways.

I did an interview for the radio a few months ago, and the person interviewing me said that he had a son, I believe, who experienced the same weird seizure thing that I did who also just randomly started having seizures in his early 20s, just like I did. And so, he wanted to talk about that a lot too. Just knowing that little things like that can connect with people, it's very important to me.

Nicole Huesman: I think that's one of the things that I value highest. What advice would you give to others?

Zaji Cox: That's a really good question. I would say, sometimes it's hard, and I know it sounds a little bit cheesy, but believe in yourself and in your work because, if you want to make your voice heard and you have a story to share or a message to share, it is definitely worth sharing.Writers get rejections all the time. Dancers can get rejections all the time. Auditioning for companies and not getting accepted, that happens all the time. If you want to express yourself through any kind of art, sometimes that art is not a suitable fit for someone else. That doesn't mean that your sense of expression is not worthy of being seen or heard or listened to by others.

Another thing I would recommend is to call for help when you need it. Because I used to just believe that I would do everything alone, and there's that sense of individuality again, just like coming into play. I would just assume that I could just take care of everything alone, everything by myself, and I would be totally fine. But there are things that, you know, sometimes we just cannot do without the support of other people. I definitely believe that we can do things by ourselves, but also, it's okay to ask for help, and it's not a bad thing to ask for help.

Nicole Huesman: So that's a great segue into the important role of mentors, advocates, inspirations. Can you tell us a little bit about who has been your inspiration or your mentor or advocate?

Zaji Cox: Yeah, I would definitely say, and I write about her in my book, but my sister has definitely been a very good role model for me in a lot of ways. She's a multi-talented artist, and a black belt in taekwondo, actor, dancer, performer, personal trainer, singer. She does a lot of things. She always provided me with the best advice on how to take care of myself and how to know what to look for in the world of performing and the world of arts and how to present the best version of myself too, because she's a very confident person.

And I used to be a little bit more reserved, especially when it came to being on stage. She and I, we were in a dance production that was one of my first official dance productions that was not ballet. And it was a way more like modern structured style performance type. There were some belly dance elements in it. I believe it's called, it's referred to as fusion dance now. But yeah, it had a lot more dance elements in it that I had no prior experience in. But she definitely did. And so she was there to help me, to teach me a lot and help me through it. Through the years, she's really just been an excellent mentor, just, in that world, and I feel I've grown a lot as a performer and writer and just artist, in general.

Nicole Huesman: It’s so important to have, yeah, a partner or a mentor or, yeah, someone to bounce ideas off of.

Zaji Cox: Yeah.

Nicole Huesman: Zaji what's next for you? What are you most looking forward to?

Zaji Cox: I am definitely looking forward to writing more things. I always loved writing, and I loved writing my whole life, so definitely writing more. More short pieces, but I definitely want to work on fleshing out those ideas for longer book projects that I have. I have a whole bank, hundreds of ideas that I have yet to really focus on and start working on. And yeah, just more dance videos and dance projects.

Nicole Huesman: I'm looking forward to watching you as you pursue each new project. The title of the program is She Lights the Way. What does that mean to you?

Zaji Cox: My brain is one of those types of brains that interprets things in a very visual and literal way, so I always see someone, like, whenever I see that title, I see someone in a cave with a lighted match or a torch or a flashlight. So initially, that's what I see. But I think of someone leading the way or being a leader in a difficult situation, or being someone [00:20:00] that others can look to when they're facing a challenge. It could be someone who's glowing bright in times of darkness. I know that's dramatic, but yeah, just being a bright leader in otherwise dark times. If that sounds dramatic enough!

Nicole Huesman: Zaji, I want to thank you so much for spending your time with us today. I certainly have learned a lot about the publishing world and about the combination of dance with the written word. And I really have enjoyed our conversation. Thank you.

Zaji Cox: Yeah, of course. Thank you so much for having me. This was a lot of fun and I'm really excited for people to hear it and I'm excited to hear all the other episodes too. I think this is a really great project, so thank you.